My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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