Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I miss vodka workout Fridays
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
