Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
