i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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