im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
