I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
