she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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