I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
