he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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