I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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