Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
