Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
