I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Warsđ
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Some sorority went âDick or Treatingâ at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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