just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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