Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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