Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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