Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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