Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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