my vag is so smooth its legendary
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
