She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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