Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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