did you get engaged???
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
