There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I will be naked everywhere
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
