You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
