we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
