I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
