Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
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I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize