if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
