I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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