38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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