I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I looked at my own cervix.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
