we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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