He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now