god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me