yea but for you.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
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No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.