it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?