We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".