I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies