i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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