Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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