Kiss
Puke
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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