I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i love accidental penises.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There are leaves in my underwear?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
