I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
