honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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