I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
