It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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