i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
