Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
