I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
