The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
