No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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