Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
