that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
