how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
