I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
