U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
