Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i think im in europe. pls send help
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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