I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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