if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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