He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize