you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
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you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
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What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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