I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize