After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
