does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I have grass duct taped all over my body
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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