I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
