He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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