is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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