I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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