so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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